Adam Cumberland - Tips

If you are someone that enjoys having your friends and girl at a gathering all being social together then this is a great use of words. I know many guys that feel they have to babysit their partner when out with friends and they hate it. You are testing her to see if she can handle larger social group settings. Sounds harsh but I can assure you she is testing you. She has to test you and so should you. Here's the thing, even if she doesn't like larger socialising groups she can still feel attraction to you because you have demonstrated you have standards. Be that masculine man that knows exactly what he wants and the feminine will naturally want to orient herself around that man. Best of luck Matthew. Adam

Make more women happy – Adam.

Let’s say a woman is on her roller coaster ride of life and you are hopefully on your roller coaster ride of life which all have interesting turns and bumps along the way. Many guys will try and get on her roller coaster ride of life which looks so exciting instead of having your own roller coaster ride that is so exciting. You do not want to jump on her ride and nor does she want you to - Instead she wants to jump on your ride because it's so exiting. This has zero to do with money or fame. I’m sure you're a great guy but "Nice Guys" if I’m honest are actually dishonest because nice guys are stating they are happy to do anything and no man should be happy to do anything, we all have different likes and dislikes. You need to be that masculine man that stands up for what he wants, which actually creates attraction. The core of our methodology is to be the man and LEAD. This is far from being a control freak but it is about being in control. Adam

Make more women happy – Adam.

Instead answer her 'Why' and 'What' in your question. A woman in the street will always be thinking 'Why' are you here and 'what' do you want. If you answer her 'why' and 'what' in your opening line on an unconscious level to her it will just feel right and cause no alarm.

Example - You see a gorgeous girl, just your type, walking down Regents Street - Go straight up to her and state the genuine truth "I just noticed you and you look absolutely gorgeous, I just wanted to say Hi". Even though this is direct she will feel at ease with it albeit surprised...but a nice surprise. On an unconscious level she will not have to analyse what’s going on - 'Why' are you here - Because you fancy her. What do you want - You want to say 'Hi'.

Make more women happy – Adam.

Many people when listening to others, look for flaws or weakness in what the other person says. We often end up disagreeing (verbally or non verbally) with the other person's views, attitudes or feelings. But nobody likes to have others disagree with them. We all want people to agree with our thoughts and feelings, or at very least we want our thoughts and feelings to be respected and considered equally.

If you don't make people feel that you respect their points of view, they won't feel understood and will consider you a bad listener.

How do you develop this ability to listen with respect? First you've got to understand that most other people will not think, feel and reason just like we do. They're going to do things their own way.

When I listen to others, I have to consciously choose to look for something meaningful and worthwhile in whatever someone is saying, no matter how blatantly wrong it may initially appear to me. Interestingly enough, if you look hard enough for these hidden treasures of merit or validity in what others are saying, you will almost always find them lurking there in the background.

Men and women often communicate with each other as if both are exactly the same which frequently create problems. The truth about men and women, however, is that when it comes to communication styles and needs, they are very different. Men are brought up in our society to listen in certain habitual ways. They listen to problems from the standpoint of identifying an effective solution. Women, however, are also interested in solutions, but they are much more prone to empathize with the speaker's internal feelings and to spend much more time talking about the problem before diving into solutions. This applies to sexual foreplay as well! Who would have thought a blog about listening would lead to sex.

This crucial difference between the speaking and listening styles of men and women have been the subject of 100s of books. Many of which I have read. One of which ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ by John Gray is very entertaining and I recommend this great read.

Many practitioners and hypnotherapists gain this type of wisdom with many years of experience (although many never do). I've also found that interviewers often have an abundance of such wisdom, as do most successful writers.

The wiser you become about life in general, the better a listener you invariably will be. You can master many technical communication skills, but if you don't have extensive wisdom about people, you won't come across as truly understanding them.

I know that the more I've learned about human emotions, for example, the better I listen to and understand people when they're emotionally upset or emotionally in any number of places.

Here is the interesting part to me, the more I learn about my own self-worth and inner strengths, the more I can ‘see’ and ‘hear’ these same qualities in others.

So if you want to become a good listener, it's essential that you commit yourself to becoming a life-long student of human beings and the human way of life. Keep on learning and expanding. Read books, Listen to tapes. Attend seminars, and workshops. No matter how much you think you know, or how smart you are, keep pushing yourself to discover even more. Because the more you know about life in general, the better a listener you will automatically become.

Good listeners, on the other hand, frequently attend to these background, unspoken emotions and concerns. And when I "hear" them and empathize with them, either verbally or nonverbally the speaker would often respond with something like "Wow, you really know how I feel" or "Gosh, you really understand exactly my way of thinking"

Here is an example to illustrate this important point:

I have had people come to me worrying about how to best talk with their work colleagues, they have related numerous problems in how they cant gel with their colleagues. As I listen carefully I also ‘hear’ the following unspoken concerns “I will not be accepted by my work colleagues” “Am I going to embarrass myself in front of others” “Am I going to appear weak in front of the boss” And the amazing thing about human communication is that he never said any of these things. But a good listener can pick up on them, and most of the time they'll be interpreted correctly.

How do you know when you're right about such assumptions? Sometimes you just know intuitively. Sometimes, you can tactfully check out your assumptions by probing with a compassionate question. Most of the time, however, your intuition will be right on.

Being a great listener can win you friends, boost your business profits and advance your career. It can make people feel so good about being with you that they'll literally follow you anywhere.

As a communication specialist, I've got to listen to people every day. And when I arrive home, I've got to listen even more. I've got to listen to my partner and to anyone else who might call or drop by.

That's a lot of listening. You'd think that with all the practice we get, and with all the attention this skill has received, we'd all be pretty good at it. Think again. Most of us aren't. We're not very good listeners most of the time. It's not because we're lazy, or uncommitted, or anything like that. It's just that we all have trouble with listening because listening is not a simple skill.

Listening is an incredibly complex skill to master. There's so much going on that doesn't meet the eye, that it's absurd to even try to cover the subject in just a few paragraphs.

So, even though our relationships and friendships depend very heavily upon good listening skills, and even though our customers and work associates demand this from us constantly, most advice we receive about improving our listening isn't all that helpful.

That's because most advice focuses on technical aspects of listening, such as giving feedback, making eye contact, asking open-ended questions, and not interrupting others while others are speaking.

These techniques are good but they don't really get to the heart and soul of listening. And they don't usually empower us to become better listeners.

Listening is anything but a passive, neutral activity. While it may appear that this is all that's going on, many active processes are taking place within the listener if they're listening well, that is.

You see, listening is not just hearing the words people speak. Listening to human beings involves much, much more. It involves not just accurately hearing what people say, but getting a sense of who they are, how they view life, what they want to accomplish, what concerns and frustrations they have, what they're afraid of, how they're feeling, what they want from you, whether they like you and so much more.

It even involves ‘listening’ to what people aren't directly saying, or what they might be too reluctant to say, or what they definitely don't want you to do in response to their communications.

In order to become a very good listener, we've got to attend to many other details and many other dimensions that don't meet the eye, but that are crucial.

When interacting and wanting to connect with women a great listener will be leaps and bounds ahead of most men out there as most men are trying a certain strategy to get women rather than listening for often the simple signs. Once men sharpen their listening skills and start to listen to not only what is being stated but rather what the words stated are sub communicating - then their abilities at meeting women in their every day lives can become rather exciting.