One of my favourite things about dating is getting to meet new people, go new places and a change can sometimes be just what you need. You’re bored of your tried and tested routines with ex partners and you decide it’s time for something different. Great! Whilst you look to the future and embrace all that’s new, can you really stop history from repeating itself?

I remember writing about my good friend Jane who rendezvoued with an ex for old times sake – she bitterly regretted it afterwards. But that’s not what I’m talking about. Say you dated someone who loved a particular movie or restaurant and you watched and ate in those same places. You enjoyed those experiences immensely. You’re no longer dating that person but with the next person you date you suggest watching that same movie, eating in that same restaurant. It’s ok, you were introduced to two new experiences and you liked them so you incorporated them into your own dating ritual. Is there anything wrong here?

I've danced this dance a million times, but not only with you!

When you’re in that restaurant with your new date, do you think of your old flame? Whilst they are trying those scallops you recommended (you were also recommended them once upon a time), are you remembering that last amazing date or just enjoying a good restaurant? I think it’s only natural you would think of them. Having been something of a ritual between you and your ex, are you living your old relationship with your new date?

The reason this has all come to mind is because I was discussing a problem a friend of mine was having with a new boyfriend. They had gotten to the stage of calling each other nicknames (my reaction=wincing) and whilst out with some people she ran into his ex (small town, sigh). Anyway, it emerged that the nickname was not unique to my friend but had instead been appropriated to her. Was then, her boyfriend simply filling a gap his ex had left? What else I wonder had he done? That song that meant something to them both, was that also the same song he used to play for his ex??

I think I’ve also been guilty of referencing things from old relationships in new ones. Yes I did like that song, I still do. That bar served the best mojitos, it still does. These things don’t change but relationships do. Do I refract old experiences through my new dates? Probably. Maybe not to the extent of my friend’s boyfriend who clearly still has feelings for his ex and is using my poor friend as a void filler, but the past is still there it doesn’t go away. However it does make you question what on earth you’re doing when you’re re-living old dates.

There’s so many different places to go to, each probably just as good if not better than your favourite. There’s always new music, new bars and if you’re that way inclined, new nicknames you can invent. Dating someone new is a fresh opportunity to experience new things and explore new places. When you’re choosing a restaurant why not try the one you’ve always been meaning to go to? That weekend break you saw reviewed in a magazine -go! That way, when you start something new with someone, it really is new and not just a case of history repeating.

Stuck for ideas for your date? Check out our places page where members post and review only the best.