Remember when we had a parley about second date territory? We have covered interviews on the first date and tactical moves on the second but Lloyd, one of our readers, has requested that we now tackle the jabberwocky that is the third date. The third date always presents the tricky dilemma of “The Third Date Rule” and as a consequence is fraught with expectation. You aced the first date, charmed your way through the second and the third date will make or break you.
Before we continue I’d like to point out that you should not feel obligated to have sex on the third date and it’s crucial to handle the situation carefully if you like your date but just not ready to take things to the next level. It’s potentially a very awkward situation when your date knows you like them and your flirting has lead them to believe the night is leading to the bedroom and then you jump in a cab after last orders. The Third Date Rule is the stuff of legends and #epic fails. There’s two reasons that throw problems into the mix and it’s most likely our awareness of them that causes us trouble here:
1. The third date is expected to “set the tone” of the relationship.
You are more casual than the second date but it’s here where you really impress. No longer important are your wardrobe choices or your sporting activities, here is where you’re expected to show substance.
2. The third date is the first socially acceptable point at which you can have sex. Girls aren’t going to feel that they’re being too easy and men can approach it with more confidence.
This knowledge of the potential outcome of the third date can hang over the date like a looming black cloud. Questions such as, my place or theirs? Is my house in an acceptable state? What do we do when it comes to home time? Share a cab and then anxiously wait until the last point we can address the subject? Do I ask them to come in? Trust me, the best way to get through the third date is to not even entertain these questions/issues and approach it with an totally open mind. Let the date unfold naturally.
You can almost guarantee that in preparation for the third date we will have made ourselves “sex ready” just in case. Don’t even try to deny it. All’s that’s needed now are a few simple signifiers throughout the course of the date to make this run more smoothly and failing that, some careful strategy.
1. Flirt and make sure your left eye meets their right eye. Hold their gaze, smile and look for that flash of “we both know where this is going”. Your intuition will signal to you that you’re both on the same page. Make sure you start this from the beginning of the date.
2. Be tactile throughout the date. Do this very subtly though. Girls, touch his arm when you talk to him. Boys, place your hand in the small of her back whilst you guide her to her seat. Read the signals once you’ve made physical contact. If they’re looking awkward, ease off and try again at 45 minute intervals.
It’s really about allowing your date to get a sense of how you would behave whilst in a relationship and them getting comfortable with you. First time sex is closely connected with feelings of trust. Work on instilling feelings of trust. An easy way to blow it is to check out other people and not focus your attentions on your date.
What do you do if you like this person but you don’t want to have sex just yet? Don’t even bother getting into awkward conversation. A long sensual kiss at the end of the date is enough to demonstrate your desire to be physically intimate and follow that up with something along the lines of ‘Can’t wait for next time” (girls), “I’ve know a great restaurant/place to go/ bar etc that I’m going to take you to next week” (guys). Show intent to continue dating and tie it to something i.e. a plan.
Doesn’t seem so hard now does it? Let us know how you get on and we want to hear about your third date experiences good and bad so send them our way. Hope this helps Lloyd!
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