Posts Tagged ‘Dating guide’

Don’t Shoot Me But I Can Handle More Than One Of You

Friday, December 9th, 2011

Once upon a time back in the days of Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table (ah twas a glorious age!), courtiers and fashionable members of society would grow up and marry the princes, princesses, gentlemen and damsels of their choosing (provided they had enough $$ and social prowess). There would be a wedding, a feast, celebrations and all would toast to the happy couple and their future. Their lives would be full of banquets, jousts, all the finery you could hope for. The bliss of matrimony; husband, wife and their lovers. One big happy family…

Polydating - Can you do it?

Polydating - Can you do it?

Yes gentle reader, married courtiers were very fond of passionate love affairs. The golden rule was that everyone knew about but no one talked about it. Think about it like a very incestuous group of friends who are constantly hooking up with each other. Now whilst adultery is often frowned upon, I don’t believe the same rules apply when you’re dating. Shock. Horror. “Poly-Dating” is perhaps one of the best things you can do during your dating career. It’s fun and let’s face it, in this day and age we are more than capable of a little multitasking, nay it’s expected of us so why would we not apply this skill to our love lives? Before I get into how this should be handled, this is not intended as a guide on how to cheat on your girlfriend/boyfriend.

1) Be wary of behaviour on social networks
This might seem obvious but you would be surprised how much this can mess up your nice little arrangement. Don’t friend people you are dating. If you have friended them (obviously to stalk them through their photos), don’t upload photos of you and your date running around Winter Wonderland/ drinking mulled wine at a German Christmas market/ insert appropriate romantic Winter activity here. More importantly, don’t check in when you’re out on a date. “Chris has just checked into X restaurant with X” – you’ll soon remember you told the other person you’re dating that you were in bed with a cold, working late or whatever crap excuse you gave. My advice – don’t disclose dating information on Facebook, Twitter or any other social network!

2) Casual is Key
You shouldn’t lie to your date about how you feel. It’s very old fashioned and no longer appropriate. Don’t tell them, “I’ve never met anyone like you before”, “I’ve never connected with anyone like this” etc etc. if you want to date other people. We are all grown-ups here.

3) Know the difference between a hidden truth and a lie
Remember when you were told that any form of dishonesty is a lie? Well, when it comes to dating more than one person at any one time, this is just not true (oh the irony). When your date asks you what you did the night before, don’t say that you went to an amazing restaurant with a beautiful date, got really drunk, took them home and have been nursing the aftermath well into the next day. Do say, you went to an amazing restaurant, had scallops and really enjoyed it. Tip: If they press you for more information, it’s likely they’re in a different place to you and want to know who/what you are doing.

4) The Talk
We all dread the “the talk”. You know the one where you’re under pressure to state your intentions and choose to become exclusive. If this is coming too early and your date is starting to question you straight away, trust me there is no point in pursuing this any further unless you’re interested in a committed relationship. The “talk” person is not right for your polydating scheme and it’s also unfair to string them along. You need to be really subtle here, don’t lie (see point 3). You should try to be clever and subtly avoid the conversation until it feels natural to bring it up. Trust your instincts and you’ll know whether it’s right to date this person at the same time as someone else.

5) Mobile Phone Behaviour
These are quite specific but effective. Establish phone patterns early on. What I mean by this is that you shouldn’t be in the practice of never checking your phone whilst out on date and then suddenly leaving the table to take a call (and this is happening frequently). You’re breaking with your normal pattern of behaviour and this becomes very obvious quite quickly to your date. Obvious that you’re seeing someone else, that is. Get into the habit of not texting/taking calls whilst out on a date.

Looking for date ideas? Why not have a look at our Places Page where our very own Clicktonight members review their favourite haunts.

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Can I See The Wine List Please?

Wednesday, August 10th, 2011

On a date this is the probably one of the first questions you will encounter. It’s not directed towards you, you might not be the one asking. Traditionally speaking it’s up to the boys to pop the question and the pressure is on to make the right decision. After all, what you drink says a lot about you and even more so when you’re choosing for someone else to enjoy.

Can I see the wine list please?

Leave it to the experts

A deep wine list is the mark of a good restaurant. A good selection is key so when you’re choosing the venue for your next date, maybe go online and check out their wine list first. If you’re really proactive, maybe you’ll even research the different wines on the list. No need though, there are a few simple guidelines to go by. In most situations it’s probably best to choose a good red wine. It speaks volumes that you pick out a classy wine to go with that sophisticated main you’ve suggested your date try (I’ve always like men to coach me on the best things to try). If you choose rosé, be wary of coming across a little feminine. If you know your way around rosé wines though, you’ll impress. Just avoid the sweeter types like Zinfandel.

So some good rules to stick to:

1. Do not order the house wine – this is a cardinal rule. Don’t do it. It shows your date that you care nothing for their dining experience by choosing a wine that is the norm to serve.

2. Do not order (or at least obviously) the cheapest wine on the menu – this doesn’t really need an explanation. No one likes a cheap skate.

3. Do not order the most expensive wine – I’ve often had to explain this to people when I’ve said that it’s a bad thing to take this road. Unless you’re taking out a WAG wannabe, for similar reasons why you don’t order the cheapest wine, don’t order the most expensive. No one likes a show off!

4. Do not order the pseudo wine lover’s choice – this being the wine you think you should order to try to impress but there is a chance neither of you will actually enjoy. In my opinion, this is the worst thing to do. The aforementioned wine ordering sins are awful but understandable whereas you’ll find it very hard to come back from this one. Choose the exotic wine with a difficult to pronounce name and then swill it round in the glass, inhaling and sighing when the waiter has poured it at your peril! Really guys, you make your choices from the wine list. The principal reason for testing is to ensure it hasn’t been corked or spoilt, NOT if you can taste “the aromatic woody notes”. The pseudo wine lover’s choice will change from time to time but is easy to spot as it seems to develop in trends among guys. I swear at one point all the boys were ordering Malbec and it was all a little too transparent.

Think about what you’ll order to eat. Ask your date what she’s thinking of ordering so that you can pick out a good wine. You’ll suss out from their choices whether to go for something full bodied or light. The seasons also help you out a little here. Cold night, think heavy and warm. Warm Summer’s evening (even though we haven’t seen too many of them), think light and refreshing. It’s also worth asking them their preferences and if they say red, you say “I know the perfect one”.

Looking for somewhere to wine and dine your date? Go to our Places page and check out Click member recommendations. They know best…


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A Man’s Guide To Dating

Tuesday, April 19th, 2011

I am not going to preach because this is not the bible. It’s just a perspective really and a few things I’ve learnt along the way. I am a serial dater – I love women, I love dating. I don’t necessarily see it as a game or anything, I just like to meet new people, see new places etc etc. I think it’s important to share what I know (tips and advice also come courtesy of some of my girl-friends and two sisters). So here goes.

A Man's guide to dating

Confidence is key - don't leave it at home!

1) If she wants contact, she will encourage it
When a girl wants you to ask her out, she might play coy but you will know! She will be subtle but the evidence is there. Replying to your messages with questions, asking for more info re where you’re going tonight? shows interest.

2) Think about your approach
Whether you make your first move through a message or approaching at the bar, put yourself in her shoes. Possibly hundreds have messaged her before you, she might have had to turn down drink offers at the bar. At this point she’s feeling harassed and can’t be bothered with small talk while she’s out with her friends. You have to be original and charming and ensure your approach is non-aggressive. In other words, don’t annoy her by coming on too strong. You’re going to make her night, she just doesn’t know it yet.

3) Be Different
Following on from previous – for god’s sake distinguish yourself!  I can’t stress this enough. Think about how you’re going to be memorable whether it’s by your sense of style, your hobbies, achievements. Memorableness (if that’s a word) can come in lot’s of different ways – culturally, visually, intellectually the list goes on.

4) She Will Always Want to Feel Special
Once you’re past the formalities of introductions, you’ve now asked her out and she has agreed to meet. Take note boys, this tip is not exclusive to the early stages of a relationship – it works all the way through. Making her feel special is important. Compliment her on things no one else does, take time to realise what it is that interests her, motivates her – support her in that. Treat her with respect and kindness (courtesy of my sister – but it does work!!).

Just a few basics and like I said, they are not rules. Dating is not difficult. It really comes down to how you treat that other person and if you do it well, 9/10 you won’t go wrong.

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Drunk Dialling Is Never A Good Idea

Thursday, March 31st, 2011

There are just too many examples of when drunk dialling has gone wrong. Yet, I can never quite understand that after a few drinks why it always seems like a good idea. Those conversations you write in your head like scripts, planning what you’re going to say, all that contrived effort only to be undone by a 2 minute phone call in which you embarrassingly overshare. Why?!

It’s one of annoying things that whilst you know it has no logic nor reason, once slightly tipped over the edge it’s incredibly difficult not to do it. One of my friends is a classic drunk dialling oversharer. Every time she gets a little tipsy she just can’t help but pick up the phone and either slur sweet nothings or hurl abuse  at the unwilling receiver. The next morning she checks her last dialled and is mortified, she checks the call history: 2 mins 53 secs…awful. Back to bed to nurse the hangover.

Also not ideal is the drunk text, usually sent around 3 am, it doesn’t receive a response because either they are in bed or are turned off by the classic failing of “wish you were here right now” (just to clarify this is only a bad message to send when the sentiment is inappropriate i.e. not reciprocated). What usually follows is the 2nd drunk text which if unanswered, usually graduates into an semi-irate “Why didn’t you text me back” followed by a shamefully (for you) cool “because I’m asleep??”

Unfortunately, the reason for this is usually down to the fact that you’ve not been honest about your feelings towards someone whilst in a sober state. Whether you’ve been playing it cool when you really like someone or you’re annoyed about the way they’ve behaved, when booze gives you that extra confidence to reach into your bag/pocket for your phone, you just can’t contain it any longer. Trust me, a drunk call will never be seen as “endearing”, it will 9/10 work against you. If you have something to say, just let that person know at a different time from when you’ve spent 10 mins sat at the bar trying not to be sick. And if you’d rather say nothing at all, do what I do and give your phone to your mate instead!

If you still need convincing, please see the below…

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