Posts Tagged ‘Dating dealbreakers’
Ironically one of the best things about dating is sharing your bad experiences with friends. The amount of lunches, dinners and cocktails that have been dedicated to the worst dating stories, I couldn’t even count.
The most entertaining and hilarious of the strangest encounters are all part of the dating experience and when journalist Rhodri Marsden posted a bad date he remembered whilst out wandering in Clapham, the following 24 hours saw a massive influx of tweets of bad date stories. Here are some of the best ones.
So inspired are we by this marathon of date scolding, we would like to hear about all your awful dates, faux pas and even just the plain strange. Tweet @ClickTonight and let us know the worst of the worst!
Following yesterday’s chain of thought about seeking common ground, we’ve already acknowledged that establishing mutual interests is an important factor for dating success. One problem a lot of daters experience is trying to find things in common with their date that are far too generic and consequently dull.
What economists will call a bad equilibrium, we are choosing safe ground over risking being controversial. It is a common strategy that all will adopt and converge on but there is no positive outcome for either party involved. For example:
Jane [sharing a pizza with John]: I love ham & mushroom pizza. What are your favourite toppings?
John [converging as is convention]: I like it too, but my favourite is pepperoni.
The net result here? Yes, both daters have shared information and learned something new about each other but they have failed to connect with one another in a valuable way. Jane chose a safe converger and whilst John has probably been bored to death by this question, he also takes the safe route and provides an unchallenging/ uninteresting answer. Unless one of them decides to recover the situation John and Jane could go on all night like this, chatting about the weather, what uni they went to, [insert another boring question here].
It’s unsurprising then, that when it comes to online dating, the exact same thing can happen. Daters messaging each other similarly conventional pizza topping style questions is just as common as in date situations like John and Jane here. The problem seems to be that there are unlimited amounts of questions we can ask and as a result of this this, we tend to filter or revert to our fail safe conversations – the same ones we would probably have with a taxi driver on the way home.
How would the economists solve this? Well, it’s simple. You restrict yourself to only asking certain types of questions. Force yourself to talk about things that you are truly interested in, the more specific and niche you are the more chances you have of being more interesting to your date and in turn provoking interesting and engaging answers. Risk the controversial and tip the equilibrium the right way.
Mid week blues? Start making plans with members tonight!
Glamour magazine with the help of some boys and past experiences have pulled together a list of relationship red flags that we should be aware of when we are dating. There are in fact 96 all together. 96 things standing between you and your perfect relationship. Ridiculous. Let’s have a look at some of them and assess what which ones are those all important dealbreakers.
It certainly has to be said that this list starts off with some serious dating faux pas, they don’t even need to be stated because we are no longer novices in the dating game and already know how to split a bill etc etc. That’s schoolboy stuff for us really! What’s listed below is a few of the “red flags” that seem to raise more questions than definitive answers.
5. They talk too much about money, politics or religion.
Yes, heaven forbid they discuss their world around them and instigate a challenging debate.
10. None of their relationships lasts longer than a couple of months.
This does not necessarily mean someone is a commitment phobe – it could also mean they just haven’t had any dating luck or found the right person.
27. They’re too primped: manicure, eyebrows waxed, hair bleached, etc.
Surely this just means they take pride in their appearance? Vanity is one thing, wanting to look your best is another. You deserve to feel good!
29. They hate kids and animals.
And this renders them undateable? Maybe they’re not into the whole kids/labradors thing-doesn’t mean they can’t sustain a meaningful relationship.
46. They call you their girlfriend/boyfriend by your second date.
Ok this is potentially a little bit too much I agree, however we can’t complain that people don’t look for commitment (see #10) and then moan that they want to commit too quickly. Double standards…
50. They tell you how much money they make, 51. They tell you what they spent on their home, 52. They tell you what they spent on their car.
This is more applicable to boys I think. But doesn’t this go against women’s innate need for security? This goes two ways – women can be just as obsessed with the material stuff as men are!
56. They don’t know how to do laundry, mop a floor, clean a tub, or make a simple dinner.
Again for boys? Well if all of the above are pre-requisites for being a suitable dating partner, then I’ve failed before I’ve begun. Surely this has nothing to do with how someone treats you, how well you get on?
63. They drop a lot of not-so-subtle brags on themselves: “I hated to take a break from writing my memoirs and training for the decathlon, but when a good friend like Matt Damon asks you to help him build thatch huts for the poor and disenfranchised in Sri Lanka for a month, how do you say no?”
Fair enough. I included this one for comedy value as I once dated someone who loved to brag and name drop. A truly ridiculous individual so I agree here – stay clear!
79. They’ve never been to the theater, symphony, ballet or opera.
Erm, I can’t count on one hand friends who have done the above. These things are not fixed indicators of cultural wealth. That person might be adventurous and sporty or maybe prefer movies and trying out great new restaurants?
85. They openly admits being unfaithful to an ex.
As opposed to hiding it? We’re supposed to encourage honesty and if they can be open about this then it’s more likely they won’t seek to hide things from you.
These are only 10 from a list of 96 reasons why not to date someone. We all have our red flags, tell tale signs that go off like little alarms when we realise someone isn’t right for us. What’s important is that you have fun with the person you date, enjoy sharing interests and respect each other. But if we were to judge against the “96 red flags” you can be sure we wouldn’t be dating anyone at all!
Want to meet attractive people who share your interests? Click tonight and start making plans.
I was going through my seriously outdated iPod and found one of Amy Winehouse’s tunes (I’ll give you a clue…it’s in the title) and it got me thinking about a time when I was in a similar position.
“Are you my girlfriend yet?”, “Where do you think we are in our relationship?”, “We should talk about our feelings”. “Where do YOU feel like eating?”, “It’s up to you”. Well, I’ve just about had enough at this point. I hate being put in this position. Specifically, the man’s one. Can anyone relate here?
At some point in a relationship, a role reversal often occurs and the man plays the part of the demanding girlfriend. More often than not, a guy will go to ridiculous extremes to hunt me down and then can’t devise enough different ways to lose me. But, it’s also happened that the balance of my relationships have tipped and the guy has become emotionally dependent on me.
Every fight has to be “talked through”, nothing short of a constant analysis of the relationship will do! Unable to make a decision by himself (including where and what to eat), this type of guy is a nightmare. I’m not traditional, I’m all for balance. But I do like a man to be strong and take control every now and again. The constant comforting and reassuring of an emotionally dependent male is exhausting. Maybe, it was partly my fault by encouraging him to be open and talk to me. Instead of honestly and frankness, I had unleashed a moaning monster. Whose shoulder I am supposed to cry on if he’s always crying on mine!
Why’d you always put me in control?
All I need is for my man to live up to his role,
Always wanna talk it through- I’m ok,
Always have to comfort you every day,
But that’s what I need you to do – are you gay? – Ms. Winehouse
Boys, my advice to you would be to strike a balance between the role you’re supposed to fulfil and at the same time, don’t be afraid to speak your mind. We like you to let your guard down, sometimes it’s our vulnerabilities that make us endearing to others. Just don’t forget to show us you’re a man!
For other dating faux pas, check out the post on Dating Dealbreakers!
When it comes to paying a bill there are several ways to handle this. No, actually there is only one. When you have been invited out to dinner, you can safely assume that we will pick up the bill. It’s nice to offer but don’t insist. Be polite and just say thanks. Maybe offer to buy a round of drinks or offer to cover to cab fare. But do not argue with us over who pays the bill!
This leads on to my next point:
Let us treat you but don’t behave like you’re high maintenance. Princesses can stay locked in their towers for all we care. If you behave like nothing will ever be good enough for you, we can’t help but feel like we will never be good enough. We would never be able to satisfy you emotionally or materially to sustain your demand. High maintenance behaviour = immediate dealbreaker (see our post on dating dealbreakers). It’s good that you like nice things but a down to earth attitude is a winner every time.
Please refrain from talking about how good you are at cooking…
Girls sometimes feel an acute pressure to sell an image of themselves as a perfect homemaker, a domestic goddess, in other words a wife. We have our mums for that stuff. So, take note: no talking about skills in cooking, cleaning or anything else that would fall under that category. Why not take us by surprise and demonstrate your culinary prowess when least expected? It can also be endearing when someone puts their efforts into something and fails. Ok, so the roast dinner you’ve been prepping for days in advance is a complete disaster…it’s not the end of the world. In fact, bothering to go through all that trouble in the first place is enough to show you care.We would be happy with a takeaway most of the time anyway!
At the end of the day, most guys just want a nice girl. It’s not really much to ask, is it?
Have you ever been dating someone and thought things were going well and then all of a sudden been unceremoniously dumped with no explanation? Did you spend countless hours wondering what had gone wrong? Well dumped daters, wonder no longer as authors Ellen Rakieten and Anne Coyle have written a book detailing all dating faux pas.
Undateable is the definitive guide to the ultimate dealbreakers for women (See also Deal or No Deal – our post on dating dealbreakers) that helps us understand what´s appropriate and where to draw the line on bad behaviour. Rakietan and Coyle could not believe how clueless some men proved to be when it came to dating and decided to compile this treasure of a read to help us out. From Ed Hardy obsessions (no. 27), ordering girly drinks (no.250) to cleaning teeth with random objects (no. 310), this hilarious book of treats leaves no stone unturned. I also have to add that I particularly like the “no jogging on the spot at traffic lights” rule!
The list of faux pas is also ranked from minor red flag offenses to dating crimes that place the criminal at the point of no return. One male reader found that Undateable helped to uncover the mystery to why he was dumped:
I recently gotten dumped by my gf of two years and towards the end of our relationship, the spark wasn’t there. I wondered for a while what happened and what I did on my part to kill the once red hot attraction. I used to play Xbox Live for a few hours every night when we were together. She used to watch tv in the other room while I would have my stupid little headset screaming at people while playing Gears of War Playing a ton of video games is not manly in a woman’s eyes. Women LOVE MEN. Not manboys who instead of dining and wining a woman rather up their rank in Halo 3.
Sometimes we need a little help every now and again and it can be the smallest thing that can place you in the “just friends” category, or even worse, completely undateable. Besides, it´s a worth reading for a good giggle.
Know any good books about dating? Share your reviews with us!
This person is attractive, our personalities just click. We have such a good time together and the chemistry is electric. On the dating equivalent to cloud nine, I am smitten. This date is perfect, he is perfect! He has also played to his strengths by tapping into my penchant for early afternoon cocktails and tipsy department store shopping. Heading up to the men´s section, he wants to exchange a cardigan he bought the previous day. He approaches the desk and dumps the bag in front of the sales assistant.
“Can I help you, sir?”
“Yeah, I want to return this.”
“Is there anything wrong with it?”
“It´s f**king ugly, don´t want it.”
What the hell is going on?! While this little dialogue was transpiring, my date had morphed into this incredibly rude, arrogant idiot who I was suddenly ashamed to be stood next to. Less than an hour ago, I had been dreaming up romantic weekends away and now I just wanted to escape. Manners and how we treat people are important. This for me, was a dealbreaker.
It seems we all have our dating dealbreakers, the things that immediately turn us off and we know things aren´t going to go any further. I decided it would be interesting to find out what other peoples´dating dealbreakers were…
The girls had this to say:
- Potty mouth: A dealbreaker is too much toilet talk. Leave it for your boys or keep it to yourself! The same rule applies to releasing unfriendly gases in front of me.
- The age of chivalry is dead? If he doesn´t open doors for me, offer his jacket or umbrella , or make sure I get home safe – all bets are off.
- Ah those were the days: Not to be too old fashioned but it´s generally accepted that the guy pays for his date´s dinner. I might offer to buy drinks or pay the cab, but don´t invite me out and then expect to go halves!
- Foul ball: Don´t touch/scratch in public. It is not acceptable…ever.
- Fashion faux pas: One date of mine turned up with black trainers and almost knee high white socks. An ultimate dealbreaker is someone who dresses badly. (Boys see our post on what to wear on the first date).
And the boys said this:
- Joey doesn´t share food! I hate it when a girl orders a tiny salad even though I insist she tries the steak (it was why I brought her here!) she still eats half of my food.
- The waiting game: If things are going well, I don´t like to be kept waiting too long for sex. I have a rule and it´s this: 3 date maximum. I start to lose interest very quickly past this point.
- The future´s bright: Please do not talk about your favourite baby names on the first couple of dates. I´m not thinking that far ahead and it´s just strange.
- Boys gone wild: I was seeing this girl who argued with me everytime I wanted a boy´s night out. I´m not going looking for other girls, I just want to have a laugh with the lads. Huge dealbreaker.
- Phantom Ex: I liked this girl but all she did was moan about her ex had treated her. She came across bitter and like she still wasn´t over it. Not only was I not interested to hear about her past relationship, but seeing how angry she was showed me how she might talk about me one day.
I never pointed out my date´s mistake when he was unnecessarily rude to the shop assistant, maybe I should have. After all, who knows how many other dealbreakers he´s unknowingly dealt out. And what´s even worse to contemplate, what mistakes of mine have been dealbreakers…
Had a bad experience? Share them with us. We´d love to hear all about your dating dealbreakers.