Posts Tagged ‘Dating advice’

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Second Date Territory

Thursday, April 5th, 2012

The first date is an interview. You put your best foot forward and hope that you’ve conveyed the best version of yourself. The second date is certainly more relaxed but it’s definitely time to take things to the next level. This brings me untold amounts of stress as my first date conversations come so easily whereas on a second date I’m expected to impress to the same level whilst assuming a more casual air. Oh god. Keep calm. Where are we going to go? What topics are still off limits?

Second Date TerritoryIn such situations I find the best thing to do is to do some research (this usually means consulting my successful “dater” friends and the truly awful ones too – and then doing exactly the opposite of what they advise)…

Wise Words

  • With second dates the focus should just be on each other. Resist temptation to invite your date to your local for drinks. Remove yourself from familiar surroundings and ensure they do the same. Getting to know each other without the pressure of the first date is key here. If you’re both somewhere that’s totally unrelated to you, you’ll find that nothing with colour your judgement. You’re also on an equal territory. We are all guilty of getting too comfortable/ too cocky in the local pub.
  • Keep the conversation light but meaningful. Talk about travels, where you went to school. If you a play a sport or are training for a marathon, divulge! Recent studies have shown that people respond well to active lifestyles. One subject you should avoid…the ex. Trust me, no date wants to listen to your bitter rants. It will NEVER look good despite it being tempting to conjure the sympathy vote (also terrible).

A Load of Rubbish

  • When someone requests a second date, play hard to get. Or if you’re going to request a second date wait ‘x’ amount of time. You don’t want to seem desperate!
    This is ridiculous. If you want to see someone again why bother trying to force a delay for the sake of appearing aloof. If you want to see them again, you know what to do!

  • Keep the act up. That’s what 3rd dates are for.
    I would say the second date is so crucial to the progression of a relationship. You’ve passed the first round and now it’s good to show more of your personality. Your date is looking for something more substantial to what they saw first time round. Why risk denying yourself another opportunity? That said, leave strange quirks and bizarre tendencies for later down the line.

Thinking of arranging a second date and need some ideas? Check out our member reviews and favourite places. They really do know best.

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L’air du Temps

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

There is something about Christmas that places us in an emotional frame of mind. The time we spend with family and friends can make even the most cynical of us go all gooey. One thing that some of us find hard about the holiday season, is that whilst our siblings are happily (or possibly unhappily) married or engaged, we have to face the fact that we’re not in relationships and no mum, I’ve not been seeing anyone since you know who…

L'air du Temps - Clicktonight.com Blog

Now that's more like it

Though perfectly content with the current state of affairs as far as the single life goes, we’re suddenly now forced to reflect on why we are apparently “alone”. Thank god it’s all over. Get me back to the city where I can go out with my friends and find love at the bottom of a champagne glass.

I had a friend who suffered the singleton’s holiday blues so badly, he resolved to hook up with a family friend – someone he’d never been interested in and thought it a good proposition because it was convenient. He’s not on his own here. I’ve heard other stories of people falling back on their safety options just because they can’t bear the idea of passing another Christmas as a single.

Whilst this type of behaviour is totally understandable, it’s not what we should be doing. Reflecting on the last year and everything that’s happened, it couldn’t have been better. I’m sure if you really think about it, I bet you had a load of fun on dates good and bad. Why should we not throw ourselves into the next year with the same attitude? New Year always brings with it new resolutions and whilst the ones that involve going to the gym more, quitting smoking etc might not last past the second week of January, we should resolve to keep enjoying dating, meeting new people and experiencing new things. At least when next Christmas rolls around, we’ll have a few good stories to go back home with.

Here’s to the New Year!

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How men should convey themselves on a first date

Sunday, December 18th, 2011

Introducing Adam Cumberland of BMG Connections, the leading European Authority on communication and social interaction……
Photo of Adam Cumberland
When planning on first dates, most guys plan on typical dates like going out on to dinner, a movie or drinks at a bar.  These are the last things you should be doing.  The point is, when taking a woman on a first date, most men should try to not be like most guys, because most guys don’t have success like they should be enjoying. They must be that one guy that stands out among the rest.  Some men unconsciously feel that the cuter the women (in their eyes), the more expensive the date should be.  There is no reason why the average guy in the street can’t be dating A Lister celebrities, in fact one of my clients went on a date last week with one that he met in a gym in North London.

So where to go for the date?  Coffee dates are great.  You are probably thinking this is a bad idea but its counter intuitive.  Gentleman, on first dates, the more money you spend, the less attractive you become.  It’s the truth.  Limit yourself to £30…even if your loaded.

A guy should always act natural on their first date. Don’t pretend to be someone that you are not.  Men shouldn’t brag about their salary, job or position in life as it subcommunicates ‘approval seeking’ which is one of the most biggest attraction killers.

Keep the conversation away from debates about religion or politics. Many a good man will often fall into the trap of talking in logic as men for the most part are very logical.  Women are emotional creatures so therefore you want to convey stories and conversation which create an emotional impact. This is an art and a science in itself.  If a women tells me “Im going to the park” I wouldnt respond with “Have a good time”  what is that? Boring at best.  Instead have fun with it and say something that is emotionally charged like “Try not to scare all the kids”.

Guys must stand out among other men and remember the things that make them unique and an interesting person. Right now, you might be thinking how you can make yourself sound cool.  This kind of thinking will not serve you.  Instead, realise that we are all unique and therefore different.  I want you to bring your own life experiences to the table and share of them.

Share fun and exciting things you are doing now in your life.  If you’re not doing any fun things, share about what you want to be doing so the women can get a sense of your character and where you are going in life.  Hopefully you’re not sitting in front of a Sony Playstation for the rest of your days..that will certainly kill your chances.

Also, remember the most unforgettable dates are those in which a person feels somebody is ‘genuinely interested’ in getting to know them. Once you discover a unique thing about the women, continue to ask them about that subject. Women will feel comfortable about themselves. Validate her for that unique thing.  If she has a sense of adventure, maybe say “I like your sense of adventure” She will now feel validated for her unique qualities and therefore feel free to express more of herself to you.

To find out how to approach women in any situation including social and non social environments and how to escalate the interaction to a satisfactory close within just a few minutes – then visit me at here where we have seminars and weekend Bootcamps with live interactions…lots of fun.

Kind regards.

Adam Cumberland

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Don’t Shoot Me But I Can Handle More Than One Of You

Friday, December 9th, 2011

Once upon a time back in the days of Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table (ah twas a glorious age!), courtiers and fashionable members of society would grow up and marry the princes, princesses, gentlemen and damsels of their choosing (provided they had enough $$ and social prowess). There would be a wedding, a feast, celebrations and all would toast to the happy couple and their future. Their lives would be full of banquets, jousts, all the finery you could hope for. The bliss of matrimony; husband, wife and their lovers. One big happy family…

Polydating - Can you do it?

Polydating - Can you do it?

Yes gentle reader, married courtiers were very fond of passionate love affairs. The golden rule was that everyone knew about but no one talked about it. Think about it like a very incestuous group of friends who are constantly hooking up with each other. Now whilst adultery is often frowned upon, I don’t believe the same rules apply when you’re dating. Shock. Horror. “Poly-Dating” is perhaps one of the best things you can do during your dating career. It’s fun and let’s face it, in this day and age we are more than capable of a little multitasking, nay it’s expected of us so why would we not apply this skill to our love lives? Before I get into how this should be handled, this is not intended as a guide on how to cheat on your girlfriend/boyfriend.

1) Be wary of behaviour on social networks
This might seem obvious but you would be surprised how much this can mess up your nice little arrangement. Don’t friend people you are dating. If you have friended them (obviously to stalk them through their photos), don’t upload photos of you and your date running around Winter Wonderland/ drinking mulled wine at a German Christmas market/ insert appropriate romantic Winter activity here. More importantly, don’t check in when you’re out on a date. “Chris has just checked into X restaurant with X” – you’ll soon remember you told the other person you’re dating that you were in bed with a cold, working late or whatever crap excuse you gave. My advice – don’t disclose dating information on Facebook, Twitter or any other social network!

2) Casual is Key
You shouldn’t lie to your date about how you feel. It’s very old fashioned and no longer appropriate. Don’t tell them, “I’ve never met anyone like you before”, “I’ve never connected with anyone like this” etc etc. if you want to date other people. We are all grown-ups here.

3) Know the difference between a hidden truth and a lie
Remember when you were told that any form of dishonesty is a lie? Well, when it comes to dating more than one person at any one time, this is just not true (oh the irony). When your date asks you what you did the night before, don’t say that you went to an amazing restaurant with a beautiful date, got really drunk, took them home and have been nursing the aftermath well into the next day. Do say, you went to an amazing restaurant, had scallops and really enjoyed it. Tip: If they press you for more information, it’s likely they’re in a different place to you and want to know who/what you are doing.

4) The Talk
We all dread the “the talk”. You know the one where you’re under pressure to state your intentions and choose to become exclusive. If this is coming too early and your date is starting to question you straight away, trust me there is no point in pursuing this any further unless you’re interested in a committed relationship. The “talk” person is not right for your polydating scheme and it’s also unfair to string them along. You need to be really subtle here, don’t lie (see point 3). You should try to be clever and subtly avoid the conversation until it feels natural to bring it up. Trust your instincts and you’ll know whether it’s right to date this person at the same time as someone else.

5) Mobile Phone Behaviour
These are quite specific but effective. Establish phone patterns early on. What I mean by this is that you shouldn’t be in the practice of never checking your phone whilst out on date and then suddenly leaving the table to take a call (and this is happening frequently). You’re breaking with your normal pattern of behaviour and this becomes very obvious quite quickly to your date. Obvious that you’re seeing someone else, that is. Get into the habit of not texting/taking calls whilst out on a date.

Looking for date ideas? Why not have a look at our Places Page where our very own Clicktonight members review their favourite haunts.

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Is It Ever Ok To Sleep With Someone On The First Date?

Friday, November 25th, 2011

This is not a new debate. I’ve heard this question time and time again – friends of mine have thrashed this out over cocktails, I’ve overheard it in cafes, toilets. It’s a classic. The main problem with this question is that the rationale it is often met with is a little backwards. Girls learn quite early that it’s the thrill of the chase that ignites a man’s interests and by holding sex back, we’re keeping him excited. It’s quite logical really, but not necessarily correct.

If you’ve ever read The Rules (as many of my friends have), you’ll swear by the 3 date rule…

“On the first three dates we don’t have sex with a man or have him stay at our place overnight.”

Is It Ever Ok To Sleep With Someone On The First Date?

"How stupid is it that a girl has to wait for a guy's call anyway, right?"

Really? We know that men and women when it comes to dating can be predictable and trigger responsive, but this is very rigid. I get the part about not letting him stay at my place. This is more of an intimacy thing rather than a tactical one. I read The Rules and felt instantly guilty at all my supposed dating faux pas. But with the 3 date no sex rule, it’s not how you behave that changes the man’s interest, he’s already predetermined his behaviour towards you. In other words, at the point of the first date he’s decided whether he wants a one night stand (he might have decided this is what he wanted when the date was arranged…beware of these toxic types!) or whether he’s interested in pursuing something past sex. With that in mind, it’s irrelevant if you sleep with him on the first date or after the third!

I quizzed a male friend on this and he completely agrees. His decision between hook-up and intent to date is reached almost instantly on the first meeting. We tried to define the criteria and it’s really basic: nicely dressed, no lairy jewellery, nice hair etc… and on a more personal level – bright, witty, interesting, ambitious. The buzz word that gets thrashed around a lot in this debate is “respect” as in “If I sleep with him on the first date, he won’t respect me.” Respect is not established by someone’s activity (or lack of) in the bedroom, it’s established during conversation and interaction between both parties. When you thanked the waiter, were courteous about being treated to dinner whilst offering to buy some drinks, you were gaining his respect here.

You now might think…”I am well mannered, I dress nicely etc etc, I slept with him on the first date and he never called me or returned my text.” This is NOT because you slept with him on the first date, it’s because he never had the intention to call you/text you/date you regardless if you slept with him or not. He was only after one thing. You live and you learn to recognise these types early on before the bedroom situation arises. Call it dating intuition.

Ouch! I’m still delicate from the night before but I had SO much fun. Want to see photos? Check out our gallery of our Cocktails & Mistletoe action!

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Rule Brittania!

Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011

Recently we interviewed a fellow dating blogger on UK Vs. US dating. I returned the favour by trying to answer the question on the mind of every American girl, how to date a British boy. In case you missed it, here it is. Was I off here or bang on the money? You decide.

We <3 English Men

1.Most British men enjoy three things 1. Sport (particularly football or rubgy) 2.  Beer 3. Drinking beer whilst talking about sport. If you want to date one, either be prepared to talk about it (brownie points for this) or understand that if you go out with his friends this is what they will talk about. If neither of these options appeal, you might have to make concessions in your dating schedule.

2. British men love a dry, witty sense of humour. Don’t be put off if they use this on you. Their straight talking “taking the mick” style of conversation is what is known as “banter”. If you can enjoy good “banter” with them, you’re already winning them over.

3. They love it when you have your own thing going on. British men like their women independent and able to challenge them every now and again. That said, avoid being too militant. Don’t shy away from vulnerability. Remember, British men are descended from a culture that bore the knights of the round table. Allowing yourself to be the damsel in distress appeals to their sense of chivalry.

4. Don’t forget your p’s and q’s! British men are big on manners. Someone who is polite, measured and remembers to say please and thank you is a princess worthy of their heart.

5. British men aren’t renowned for their immaculate style like the Italians are but they really do appreciate a sense of style even if they don’t know what label or designer it’s from. A woman who knows how to dress will score highly.

August Bank Holiday is the weekend of the Summer. If you don’t have plans, fear not! Make some now, it’s not too late.

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Can We Be Just Friends?

Friday, August 5th, 2011

I truly believe that men and women can be friends and nothing more. My Dad says I’m naive. I rebuff his claims and explain that I have lots of male friends and they are just friends. (Though admittedly I have crossed a few boundaries). He responds by explaining that if men and women are good friends it’s usually because for some reason or other, they can’t be together. Maybe they’re with someone else, in another country or just emotionally unavailable. Or, one of the two wants to be more than friends and the other is blissfully unaware.

We all love or maybe just know about the tv series FRIENDS. No tight knit group of peers was ever so convoluted. They flirted, hooked up, went back “there” and some of them even decided to breed. Incidentally, a very good friend of mine from the US of A passed this little beauty on to me and I decided to reblog it for you.

This chart tells the stories and traces the connections between the characters from the ever revolving E4 sitcom. I even went one step further and made a chart for my own friendships/relationships between me and my friends. I have to say it was a little scary how insular we used to be with our relationships. How times have changed and thank god for online dating! Looking at my chart now, I think my Dad actually had a point but I’m not divulging the details of that one. Have a look at this one and enjoy. Happy Friday all!

Need some plans for the weekend? You only have to click tonight…

Friends Chart

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Does That Come With A Boyfriend?

Friday, July 15th, 2011

There comes a time in your dating career when you’ll find someone you like and will regularly date them. That’s all wonderful and everything but be careful of a common dating dilemma known as separation anxiety.

Friends of mine have likened this anxiety to a disease. And quite rightly so. It starts off with minor symptoms and then when it has you in full throes, it’s too late. Like the virus it is, it will spread to the core, manifest and then set about on it’s path of infectious destruction. Stay clear believe me.

Does That Come With A Boyfriend?It’s massively unhealthy and occurs somewhere between wanting to spend all your time with your love interest and when you feel you can’t actually cope from being separated from them. You become so attached to this person and they the same, that when you’re apart you only half function.

Tell tale symptoms of this are:

  • You plan ALL your social events according to their schedule so they can attend with you.
  • When you’re out with friends and all you do is talk about them and check your phone.
  • You’re unable to enjoy anything unless they are there.
  • When they’re away, you’re hopelessly miserable and much to the annoyance of your friends, you complain constantly.

A friend had started dating someone new and they were attached at the lips from the start. All her free moments were dedicated to her beau. Inside of three weeks, she was already a “we” person. “We are going away together”, “We don’t like to eat there” etc. Incredibly annoying. He went away on holiday for two weeks and it was a complete disaster. My interesting, sociable friend had transformed into this Golum-like creature, hibernating in her room hankering for her precious to return.

The reason this is a problem is that it eventually progresses to ruination. No one likes to feel the weight of someone who is dependent on them. It will all come crashing down. And for my friend it did. She plagued him with calls while he was away and sulked when he didn’t message her back. When he returned from his holiday he instantly broke it off.

The key is to strike a balance between enjoying the first flush of a relationship and regulating time for yourself. It’s attractive to have your own thing going on, whether it’s career-related, sports or even just shopping. Just something to focus on and enjoy independently of the other person. Have your own plans and move to your own beat instead of someone else’s.

TFI Friday! Need plans? Get some.

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His Fashion Dealbreakers

Friday, July 8th, 2011

There are some things women love to wear but men will always hate. Why do we keep wearing them then and risk sartorial dealbreakers? Some clothes we will never agree to like and the reasons why run deeper than you might expect.

It really boils down to the things we look for in a mate – physical strenth, health and general well being. This is why the best date outfits should flatter your shape and show off your best assets. When we dress to impress on a date, we should ensure that the more controversial items in our wardrobes stay there. Though personal style is important, think universal. The fashion magazines might love it, your friends might love it, but he will detest it.

Jessica Rabbit

Too much perhaps?

What Women Love:

- Wedges
A wedge heel is a Summer staple for a lot of women. They add height and are the comfortable option with a less intimidating heel like the stiletto. The man’s verdict, “They make your feet look like blocks of concrete”. A wedge can be a clumpy look and take away the gracefulness of movement sometimes. There is something about the tilt of a stiletto that makes you stand a certain way. You stand straighter and your body is altered into a more “pert” position – you’re ready to mate and this is why it’s the preferred shoe choice.

- Jumpsuits
Love jumpsuits. Practical yet stylish, they are an asset to my wardrobe. The bad news…men hate them. Though men aren’t totally turned off by androgyny (a sexy over-sized shirt always goes down well), a jumpsuit does everything to hide your best features. Your curves are hidden and he says, “Why are you wearing overalls?”.

- Horizontal Stripes
Breton stripes are one of the tell tale signs that Spring is on the way. Sailor-inspired tops, dresses and everything else hit shop windows as soon as February is out of the way. And for me, they are the epitome of Parisian chic. If I were to holiday in the South of France every Spring, there would be breton stripes everywhere. The problem with them though, comes when they are in dresses rather than tops. Horizontal stripes not only add the illusion that you appear wider than what you actually are but they hide your best features and maybe make you look “like a sea snake”.

What will he love?
The more quirky elements of your wardrobe you should look to introducing later. He might really appreciate your personal sense of style. What’s really going to hook him to begin with though, is an outfit that shows him you are the ideal. So, what should you wear on a date? Avoid really short skirts and dressing too provocatively. You don’t want to put it all on show. There’s nothing to tease him with here.

A well cut low neck line (not too low!) is sexy and feminine and elongates the upper body. The same goes for hemline. Don’t be afraid to go short just don’t overdo it. Believe it or not a very short skirt can truncate your shape and make you look stumpy. If your hemline sits on the widest part of your leg (high end of thigh), you look shorter and wider. I’ve found that 4 inches above the knee is perfect. I’ll leave you with one final interesting thought. Shoulders. Yes shoulders. Apparently, exposing your shoulders is inherently sexy. Why? Because it makes men think of boobs. Typical.

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Do It Like A Dude

Tuesday, May 31st, 2011

When it comes to dating, girls love to scheme. Not necessarily in a sinister sense, but we have to admit to being very forward thinking and planning things oh so carefully. From timing when messages get sent, to what we wear, how many times we flip our hair around. We are strategically gazing from your lips to your eyes and whilst you’re thinking about the end of the night, we are determining if you’re a suitable date for that wedding in six week’s time. We have got it all figured out and yet in some areas we bomb massively, hugely. Sometimes we have to look at the way a man would do it.  After all, it helps to understand your enemy before you go into battle.

Do It Like A DudeRejection? Next!
One thing that stunts women in their dating success is their fear of rejection. In a world that constantly forces us to self-validate, when you’re rejected by a dating partner or lover it can really hurt your confidence. What do men do when they are rejected? Well, they are far more used to it than women are so naturally just brush it off and try again. Can you imagine a man crying in the bathroom to the tune of “I’ll never find my soulmate” because the leggy brunette at the bar won’t let him buy her a vodka coke? No you wouldn’t. Men are opportunists in this particular arena.

Within moments of rejection, he is already focusing on a better looking girl in the opposite corner of the bar. If you’re rejected when you make the first move, it really doesn’t matter. Whether by a message online or approaching at a party, you’ve increased your odds, learned something and taken an important step in building up your confidence.

Now Taking Applications, Please Apply Within
The most fun thing about dating is remaining available. Women tend to find their next love interest, spend hours analysing his profile and deciding that because you both love a certain type of champagne, you’re life partners. This is ok, despite it being a little far-fetched. But whilst we are matching up our first names with their last, we are missing out on other potentials. Don’t become fixated on one person and try to make them fit into your perfect picture. When he’s dating, a man would take up all offers he was interested in just to increase his dating pool. The more people you date, the more chance of success you have of finding someone you’re compatible with. Simple maths.

Life Outside Exists
One of the best things men do is have a life outside of dating. They’re dating you on Tuesday night but on Wednesday he’s watching football with the lads, Friday night he promised to go to a gig with a friend and on Sunday he’s playing golf. Ok, maybe the aforementioned aren’t your perfect picture of activities but the point is that he’s not clearing his schedule to make himself available to you nor is he trying to look unavailable, but is really sitting at home in his dressing gown (like we sometimes do!). He is living his life and this is a good thing. Women sometimes struggle with their priorities when they’re dating. The key is to not see him as the main event and to have your own stuff going on. Not only will you focus less on what he is doing and get down about what you’re not doing but he will also find your active life an attractive quality.

Get Real!
One of our biggest downfalls is to let our heads run away with us into fantasy (like with the wedding scenario mentioned above) and though it’s not a bad thing to wear your heart on your sleeve, it’s certainly not a good thing to show this straight away. Men tend to be more reality-centric in affairs of the heart and carefully weigh up their feelings towards someone whereas women are more fantasy-centric and tend to dream and fast forward. Don’t think this goes unnoticed. When we’re dating we need to carefully manage our expectations. This helps us to protect ourselves and have a healthier attitude towards dating.

Want to increase you’re dating odds? Click Tonight and make plans with someone now.

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