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Keep it simple, things you should not be doing on a first date. Don’t introduce yourself as ‘Batman!’
The damage has been done and there’s no going back. Only now have I discovered the culprit who has caused such misfortune and misery amongst women. I’ve known this person for such a long time. I first encountered her in my early teens and if I’d known then what I knew now, I might have been able to do something about it. Ok, this is turning into something slightly melodramatic but I’m single handedly blaming Jane Austen for the shortcomings in my love life.
Though you might not have ever picked up a copy of Pride & Prejudice, Sense & Sensibility, Emma or any other novel spouting total romantic nonsense, you would be fooled into thinking you were safe. You’re not, her work is culturally embedded! What child of the 90’s hasn’t seen Clueless?! Whether she was raising our expectations unnecessarily or simply describing romantic attitudes of yesteryear, she has still perpetuated the belief that if you’re a polite educated young woman, you will (with perhaps some maternal meddling) marry a man of good character and fortune. Disney movies are also probably to blame, but still. It. Is. All. Lies.
Was it really so simple back then?
“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” – Pride and Prejudice
Universally acknowledged that a man who has a bit of money wants to marry? Oh Jane, had you braved a Thursday night out in Bank or near Liverpool Street you would no longer believe this to be such a viable theory. This is not to say that all wealthy men want to run around and cause trouble but it’s certainly no universal truth.
“Men of sense, whatever you may choose to say, do not want silly wives.” – Emma
Because we’ve never seen successful, interesting men surround themselves with idiotic women??
“But when a young lady is to be a heroine, the perverseness of forty surrounding families cannot prevent her. Something must and will happen to throw a hero in her way.”
“Must” & “will” are the killers here. Can we pin our hopes on this assertion? Definitely not!
The thing is, is that the majority and certainly the most famous novels always begin and end with the same premise. Pretty, intelligent girl ready for marriage. Single successful man, usually a gentleman with a HUGE country estate. They hate/ misunderstand each other/ have some sort of a disagreement when they first meet. The friction provides the best setup for romance and surely enough they end up getting it on. Always a happy ending no matter how many complicated situations present themselves in between. Even Bridget Jones got her Mr. Darcy.
That said, Jane Austen hasn’t completely failed us. There’s some sense in this last little excerpt.
“There will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all apt to expect too much; but then, if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere.”
Enter the world of modern dating! Ladies forget your heartbreak, put down the ice cream and go and find your comfort in whatever form he may take. It’s what the weekend was made for!
We are just loving all the guest blog contributions that are flying into our inbox. Your dating stories, good and bad, are hilarious! Keep them coming and we promise to post the best ones. Melissa made a bold move by plunging into the Spanish dating scene. Her experiences so far? A game of numbers so it would seem…
Having had no luck with British men, I was excited to move to Spain. They had to be better, didn’t they? Well, I have found it easy to meet people, or should I say, guys have made an effort to meet me- in the most random places and ways- from having my bum pinched in the street, to a guy getting out of a car and asking me on a date, saying he liked the look of me. The thing is, though, the meetings have come to nothing for one reason or another.
Ok, so the one who pinched my bum got a shock when I screamed, and he ran off. I thought it was odd that the other guy had driven by and stopped- I was wearing a hood, so he couldn’t really have seen what I looked like, could he? Anyway, didn’t give him my number.
But what of the guys I have exchanged numbers with?
The first seemed very romantic, showering me with compliments and telling me he thought he could fall in love again. After a couple of weeks, he confirmed he had fallen in love- just with someone else!
The second I met in a club, and he came to my rescue when my credit card got stolen and I couldn’t make myself understood over the phone. He invited me out and we went for tapas, then to a club. He paid everything and I thought it went well, until the end of the night when he said I will call you or you call me. It wasn’t quite a knock back but it felt like an insincere ‘I’ll call you’. Well, we did meet up again, and it was on our next date, I got my next number. What sort of a date was that, you may ask? Indeed! He picked me up and told me we were going out with some people he met on the internet. Location- an all-you-can eat Chinese buffet. It was when I was choosing my vegetables, that a tall, attractive guy came over and asked me if I was at the singles night.
‘I don’t know’ I replied.
‘Are you on one of the tables over there? ‘
‘Well, yes.’ I told him, somewhat surprised.
We chatted some and exchanged numbers- I mean, wouldn’t you after learning you were on a date like that?! From the restaurant, my date and I went to a club, accompanied by the guy I had exchanged numbers with (he invited himself). I didn’t know where to look or who to talk to, so plonked myself at the bar and worked my way through a few G n T’s until it was time to go home.
I never heard from my date again, but a few days later, the vegetable counter guy messaged me and invited me…..swimming! No way, I thought- not until the New Year’s resolutions have had time to make me bikini or at least swimsuit ready! I will wait and see if he responds to my suggestion of meeting for a drink, but will not hold my breath, I mean that would be far too normal a date, wouldn’t it?!
- Melissa Patient, Valencia
Got a good dating story? Get it off your chest and on to our blog! Email your contributions to info@clicktonight.com. Guidelines and more info here.
Your next read should be new break-up novel by Daniel Handler and Maira Kalman
“Breaking up is never easy” sang the world’s most famous Swedes once upon a time. The awkward situation, the dread and sheer terror of letting someone down is awful. Maybe you didn’t feel any pangs of regret when you stormed off/ slammed door in face/ wrote a cruel email. Either way, it’s never fun. If you’re about to break up with someone or want to share your experience, there’s something you should know about.
The Why We Broke Up Project was spawned by Daniel Handler and Maira Kalman and their stories of dumping, being dumped and general heartbreak. A new novel that tells the story of Min Green and Ed Slaterton, how they met, hooked up and then broke each others’ hearts. The author and artist are now inviting people to submit their break-up stories on their blog. Here are some of our favourites:
“I should have known that our relationship would be disastrous when after four days of taking over the phone you told me that you loved me and when I said you too, you announced that you suddenly had a boner”
“You told me I loved the dog more than you. And I realized you were right.”
This one is particularly amusing…
Him: “There is no reason that any family should have more than one salad dressing in their refrigerator.”
And that was the end.
Me (to self): Hope you like bleu cheese, ‘cause that’s all I use anyway. And who are you calling family? We’ve been dating a month.
Him (erratically waving 99 cent plastic bottle of Italian dressing): “I’m only buying this for marinades!”
Me: … (That was the end)
“You cared more about your Xbox than My Box.”
“She though the name of the doctor on Doctor Who was Doctor Who.”
“Because he knew more showtunes than I did.”
“You spent too much time on conspiracy theory websites and were starting to suspect I was a Reptilian humanoid.”
People are starting to submit their stories to the blog for all the world to see. Potentially, it’s a cathartic experience if you feel you have something to share. If not, have a read as some of them are screamingly funny.
Tickets! Tickets! Tickets! We have them, and you need them. Come party with us next week at the next Clicktonight.com Party!
Ironically one of the best things about dating is sharing your bad experiences with friends. The amount of lunches, dinners and cocktails that have been dedicated to the worst dating stories, I couldn’t even count.
The most entertaining and hilarious of the strangest encounters are all part of the dating experience and when journalist Rhodri Marsden posted a bad date he remembered whilst out wandering in Clapham, the following 24 hours saw a massive influx of tweets of bad date stories. Here are some of the best ones.
@rhodri On a soulmates date, date arrives and before sitting down announces ‘I’m Jon. i don’t want kids or commitment’, then went for a piss - raquelle
August 16, 2011 at 21:53
@rhodri I’ve dated TWO toryboys who pretended to be liberals to impress me. The one in the three-piece tweed suit managed to hold out 3 wks. – D_for_Dalrymple
@rhodri On a date I mentioned that I thought he’d sound more northern. He said, “well, yeah and I thought you’d be better looking”. I left. - linziehunter
@rhodri on way to tube after a date, girl said “wait a sec”, urinated on someone’s driveway & walked away telling me to “hurry up” – jimmyshakes101
@Rhodri: worst date has to be the guy who pretended to be a doctor. When rumbled, he pretended he was a secret agent posing as a doctor. – chiller
@rhodri I’m amazed you haven’t heard from the women into whose handbag I accidentally tipped a pint of steaming hot onion gravy. – BruceRenny
@rhodri Had a first date with a girl wearing horrible XXXL pink polo shirt. Went to Portsmouth where she made me sign her mortgage papers. – SOTMario
@rhodri on a 2nd date the girl sprayed Pino Silvestre aftershave on me, linked arms wedding style to drink & introduced me as her husband. – Tony_Marks
@rhodri I was once scolded in all seriousness and forced to eat ALL my vegetables on a first date. Awkward. – AliHax
So inspired are we by this marathon of date scolding, we would like to hear about all your awful dates, faux pas and even just the plain strange. Tweet @ClickTonight and let us know the worst of the worst!
Men are usually more suspect to cheat on their partners on the assumption that for men, sex is a purely a physical act. However women craving the security from a relationship feel that sex is the thing that strengthens their connection to their partner. If women are happy and feel secure they don’t cheat whereas men will cheat either way. Traditional and perhaps outdated views, they do feel somewhat out of touch.
In fact the tides may well be changing and not because more women feel unhappy or unfulfilled in their relationships, but because on the whole they are becoming more affluent and successful in their careers. Apparently this brings out the animalistic male inside and as a result, they are hungry to hunt their prey as they are hungry to dominate the boardrooms.
And you thought it was only the housewives...
AskMen UK found a recent poll that studied 2000 people and whilst 15% of men had been two timing their partners, 20% of women had been involved with another man. The lustful 20% tended to be the more successful professionally than the more faithful women who they were tested against. Desperate housewives they certainly aren’t, loyal wives and girlfriends they are. Those late nights in the office, those cocktails after work seem to be the more dangerous territories for adultery than the classic scenes of porn movies. You know, wife waiting at home for the plumber to come fix her pipes…
AskMen put it down to womens’ tendency to be indecisive over mens’ quest for “lust and entitlement”. I think they’re missing the point here. It lies in womens’ quest to “have it all” – the career, the husband and perfect home and not forgetting, the dangerous liason. This is nothing new though, women as cheaters have been catching up to their make counterparts since the 60’s and now it seems they’ve surpassed them. Women beware though, apparently men are better judges of knowing when they are being cheated on.
To complicate matters further, what constitutes as cheating is no longer as finite as it used to be. For me, anything from physical contact is cheating but once you’ve initiated a situation in which this physical contact might happen, you have to ask yourself what you were thinking in the first place. When you arranged to meet your ex, grab a drink with an old lover, deep down you knew what you were seeking out. For some, cheating is relative to the type of relationship they have. Open relationships are more popular than ever. Threesomes aren’t even that taboo anymore. My advice would be to make sure you know exactly what you’re getting into from the start and that you both understand what your relationship means and the rules that are sacred to maintaining trust.
Bank holiday has been and gone but we aren’t retiring from Summer just yet. We are busy making plans for the weekend…you should be too!
Glamour magazine with the help of some boys and past experiences have pulled together a list of relationship red flags that we should be aware of when we are dating. There are in fact 96 all together. 96 things standing between you and your perfect relationship. Ridiculous. Let’s have a look at some of them and assess what which ones are those all important dealbreakers.
It certainly has to be said that this list starts off with some serious dating faux pas, they don’t even need to be stated because we are no longer novices in the dating game and already know how to split a bill etc etc. That’s schoolboy stuff for us really! What’s listed below is a few of the “red flags” that seem to raise more questions than definitive answers.
5. They talk too much about money, politics or religion.
Yes, heaven forbid they discuss their world around them and instigate a challenging debate.
10. None of their relationships lasts longer than a couple of months.
This does not necessarily mean someone is a commitment phobe – it could also mean they just haven’t had any dating luck or found the right person.
27. They’re too primped: manicure, eyebrows waxed, hair bleached, etc.
Surely this just means they take pride in their appearance? Vanity is one thing, wanting to look your best is another. You deserve to feel good!
Too many red flags?
29. They hate kids and animals.
And this renders them undateable? Maybe they’re not into the whole kids/labradors thing-doesn’t mean they can’t sustain a meaningful relationship.
46. They call you their girlfriend/boyfriend by your second date.
Ok this is potentially a little bit too much I agree, however we can’t complain that people don’t look for commitment (see #10) and then moan that they want to commit too quickly. Double standards…
50. They tell you how much money they make, 51. They tell you what they spent on their home, 52. They tell you what they spent on their car.
This is more applicable to boys I think. But doesn’t this go against women’s innate need for security? This goes two ways – women can be just as obsessed with the material stuff as men are!
56. They don’t know how to do laundry, mop a floor, clean a tub, or make a simple dinner.
Again for boys? Well if all of the above are pre-requisites for being a suitable dating partner, then I’ve failed before I’ve begun. Surely this has nothing to do with how someone treats you, how well you get on?
63. They drop a lot of not-so-subtle brags on themselves: “I hated to take a break from writing my memoirs and training for the decathlon, but when a good friend like Matt Damon asks you to help him build thatch huts for the poor and disenfranchised in Sri Lanka for a month, how do you say no?”
Fair enough. I included this one for comedy value as I once dated someone who loved to brag and name drop. A truly ridiculous individual so I agree here – stay clear!
79. They’ve never been to the theater, symphony, ballet or opera.
Erm, I can’t count on one hand friends who have done the above. These things are not fixed indicators of cultural wealth. That person might be adventurous and sporty or maybe prefer movies and trying out great new restaurants?
85. They openly admits being unfaithful to an ex.
As opposed to hiding it? We’re supposed to encourage honesty and if they can be open about this then it’s more likely they won’t seek to hide things from you.
These are only 10 from a list of 96 reasons why not to date someone. We all have our red flags, tell tale signs that go off like little alarms when we realise someone isn’t right for us. What’s important is that you have fun with the person you date, enjoy sharing interests and respect each other. But if we were to judge against the “96 red flags” you can be sure we wouldn’t be dating anyone at all!
Want to meet attractive people who share your interests? Click tonight and start making plans.
I was going through my seriously outdated iPod and found one of Amy Winehouse’s tunes (I’ll give you a clue…it’s in the title) and it got me thinking about a time when I was in a similar position.
“Are you my girlfriend yet?”, “Where do you think we are in our relationship?”, “We should talk about our feelings”. “Where do YOU feel like eating?”, “It’s up to you”. Well, I’ve just about had enough at this point. I hate being put in this position. Specifically, the man’s one. Can anyone relate here?
At some point in a relationship, a role reversal often occurs and the man plays the part of the demanding girlfriend. More often than not, a guy will go to ridiculous extremes to hunt me down and then can’t devise enough different ways to lose me. But, it’s also happened that the balance of my relationships have tipped and the guy has become emotionally dependent on me.
Every fight has to be “talked through”, nothing short of a constant analysis of the relationship will do! Unable to make a decision by himself (including where and what to eat), this type of guy is a nightmare. I’m not traditional, I’m all for balance. But I do like a man to be strong and take control every now and again. The constant comforting and reassuring of an emotionally dependent male is exhausting. Maybe, it was partly my fault by encouraging him to be open and talk to me. Instead of honestly and frankness, I had unleashed a moaning monster. Whose shoulder I am supposed to cry on if he’s always crying on mine!
Why’d you always put me in control?
All I need is for my man to live up to his role,
Always wanna talk it through- I’m ok,
Always have to comfort you every day,
But that’s what I need you to do – are you gay? – Ms. Winehouse
Boys, my advice to you would be to strike a balance between the role you’re supposed to fulfil and at the same time, don’t be afraid to speak your mind. We like you to let your guard down, sometimes it’s our vulnerabilities that make us endearing to others. Just don’t forget to show us you’re a man!
For other dating faux pas, check out the post on Dating Dealbreakers!
I was having a small debate the other day with a colleague about making arrangements. To clarify, dating arrangements. Where do we meet? What time? More importantly perhaps, what are we going to do?
There needs to be a plan in place, she tells me. What kind of plan? She looks at me as if she’s spoken a completely foreign language. A plan! Ok, dinner at 8, then drinks. A movie and then drinks. I don’t know, quasar- somethin
Taking me somewhere special?
Quasar? Are you joking? No, she tells me. Basically a pre-requisite for her, is that the night is planned to perfection. Every minute accounted for. As far as I’m concerned, she might as well be carrying an itinerary! I need a male perspective. Oh yes, my male friend tells me. It has to be well thought out. More often than not, you only get one chance so you have to strategise, so you should do as much as possible to ensure that nothing can/ will go wrong. Why not, I’m managing my expectations, measuring the risk factors involved and if necessary, formulating an exit strategy.
Is this what dating has come to? I never really like strict social plans and dating can be complicated enough without throwing a complex schedule into the mix. What ever happened to spontaneity? Sometimes it’s the unexpected, the unfamiliarity of not knowing what/ where/ when, that can catch you unaware and leave you pleasantly surprised. Meeting up for “a few drinks and see how things go” sounds like a terrible plan to my colleague. “I wouldn’t even bother!” Apparently it shows that someone doesn’t care enough to make the effort.
Au contraire, it’s my favourite kind of plan. It takes the pressure off both parties and leaves you free to worry less about the logistics and spend more time enjoying the date. Plan special occasions, surprise every now and again, catch us off-guard. Every date that has been over-thought has gone horribly wrong. I have the same feelings towards New Year’s Eve: the plans you make never quite work out and the party is never as good as it seems when you’re there. Frankly, I would much rather be on the non-plan plan because you never know what might happen. How’s that for managing expectations…
