Archive for April, 2012

Why You Shouldn’t Trust Jane Austen’s Dating Advice

Friday, April 27th, 2012

The damage has been done and there’s no going back. Only now have I discovered the culprit who has caused such misfortune and misery amongst women. I’ve known this person for such a long time. I first encountered her in my early teens and if I’d known then what I knew now, I might have been able to do something about it. Ok, this is turning into something slightly melodramatic but I’m single handedly blaming Jane Austen for the shortcomings in my love life.

Though you might not have ever picked up a copy of Pride & Prejudice, Sense & Sensibility, Emma or any other novel spouting total romantic nonsense, you would be fooled into thinking you were safe. You’re not, her work is culturally embedded! What child of the 90’s hasn’t seen Clueless?! Whether she was raising our expectations unnecessarily or simply describing romantic attitudes of yesteryear, she has still perpetuated the belief that if you’re a polite educated young woman, you will (with perhaps some maternal meddling) marry a man of good character and fortune.  Disney movies are also probably to blame, but still. It. Is. All. Lies.

Pride & Prejudice - Clicktonight.com

Was it really so simple back then?

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” – Pride and Prejudice

Universally acknowledged that a man who has a bit of money wants to marry? Oh Jane, had you braved a Thursday night out in Bank or near Liverpool Street you would no longer believe this to be such a viable theory. This is not to say that all wealthy men want to run around and cause trouble but it’s certainly no universal truth.

“Men of sense, whatever you may choose to say, do not want silly wives.” – Emma

Because we’ve never seen  successful, interesting men surround themselves with idiotic women??

“But when a young lady is to be a heroine, the perverseness of forty surrounding families cannot prevent her. Something must and will happen to throw a hero in her way.”

“Must” & “will” are the killers here. Can we pin our hopes on this assertion? Definitely not!

The thing is, is that the majority and certainly the most famous novels always begin and end with the same premise. Pretty, intelligent girl ready for marriage. Single successful man, usually a gentleman with a HUGE country estate. They hate/ misunderstand each other/ have some sort of a disagreement when they first meet. The friction provides the best setup for romance and surely enough they end up getting it on. Always a happy ending no matter how many complicated situations present themselves in between. Even Bridget Jones got her Mr. Darcy.

That said, Jane Austen hasn’t completely failed us. There’s some sense in this last little excerpt.

“There will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all apt to expect too much; but then, if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere.”

Enter the world of modern dating! Ladies forget your heartbreak, put down the ice cream and go and find your comfort in whatever form he may take. It’s what the weekend was made for!

How To Prepare For A First Date

Friday, April 27th, 2012

First things first – do you go at all?

Asked routinely, especially if the lead-time running up to the date is more than a few days, giving you time to ponder. They might be boring. Or weird. You might not fancy them. Or quite possibly all of the above. There are a couple of ways to ease the pain of making this decision.

First step is Facebook. The likelihood is that you met online or through a friend of a friend, so check out your potential beau. With 900 million people using Facebook, make the most of the tools at your fingertips! It’s hard to hide a web of lies and deceit or a psychopathic past if you have a Facebook profile. It being 2012 and all, most people have a few years of history on their Facebook Timeline and an acceptable number of friends. Alarm bells should be ringing if your date has no wall posts, just the one handsome or beautiful profile photo and four friends from the Far East.

Picture of boy

Second step is a phone call. Engineer one into the pre-date process. If you can have at best some lively banter and at worst some pleasant chat, you’ll be comfortable knowing that you’ll be able to enjoy an evening together. Many fall at this hurdle, but better the devil you know. If the call is awkward, painful and you don’t laugh even once, it’s probably one to miss.

With these steps complete and the decision made to go, oh what to wear on your first date?!

Your first date outfit

For the ladies, choose something that flatters and shows off your assets. Avoid anything too fashionable or controversial (save those gems for date three and beyond) and nothing too short or provocative. A well cut neck line can be both sexy and feminine or a top that shows off the shoulders (which guys find sexy) are both good choices.  The ideal length for your skirt is around 4 inches above the knee – any shorter and the hemline will sit on the wider part of the leg making your legs look wider and making you look shorter. And for your feet, avoid wedges in favour of a slimmer heel, or stiletto if you can, to add grace to your posture and movement.

For the guys, keep it simple. A pair of straight jeans (not too tapered) and a well cut shirt that draws in at the waist to give the impression of wide shoulders (showing strength and presence). Avoid patterns unless you can pull them off. For shoes, nothing ridiculous or too ‘out there’ and preferably smart. Dark brown or black leather depending on shirt colour. Or, for a more casual (not trying too hard) look opt for smart suede / loafers providing that they don’t look like they are borrowed from your granddad…

Your mentality – deep breathe!

What ever you do don’t rock up to a first date with thoughts of long-term relationships, questions over where it might go or whether you might live happily ever after (yes, I’ve been on dates when this has been happened right of front of me). You should be thinking no more than whether this person is improving your life right now. If you’re enjoying the evening, then its going well and its a success. And the same assessment should be made at every stage of the dating process. Over analysis can ruin a good thing. All questions will be answered in good time.

And finally, where to go on your first date

The easy and most fun part, but people I know that have lived in London for years still struggle with the best place to go on a date. If you are burdened with the responsibility of choosing somewhere, opt for somewhere that allows you to extend the night if things are going well or bring it to a natural end if not. The bar and restaurant combos are always a winner. Check out these posts for an abundance of options.

http://www.clicktonight.com/blog/2010/10/to-be-romantic-or-unromantic-that-is-the-question/

http://www.clicktonight.com/blog/2010/07/date-night-%E2%80%93-ideas-for-dates-in-london/

Good luck, go forth and date! And, tell us how it goes – we’re nosey!

What Should I Do To Marry A Rich Guy?

Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

I’ve recently read an article that deserves some recognition. It has had us in stitches and needs to be shared with you.  Quite simply a young lady posted a message on a popular forum entitled “What should i do to marry a rich guy?”  She is having problems finding a wealthy man to marry.  She goes on to list the requirements she wants in her future husband and continues with questions of where to find such a man.  It ends brilliantly with a response from a banker at J.P Morgan a leading financial services firm.  Anyway we won’t ruin it for you, take a look for yourselves and enjoy:

Here is what the young lady wrote:

Title: “What should I do to marry a rich guy?”

I’m going to be honest of what I’m going to say here. I’m 25 this year. I’m very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I’m greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.

My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I’ve dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.

So who's the wealthy one here then?

I’m here humbly to ask a few questions:

1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)

2) Which age group should I target?

3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I’ve met a few girls who don’t have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.

4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Signed,

Ms. Pretty

The philosophical reply from a banker at J.P. Morgan:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here.

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.

Put the details aside, what you’re trying to do is an exchange of “beauty” and “money” : Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.

However, there’s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can’t be prettier year after year.

Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It’s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a “trading position”.

If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or “leased”.

Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps.

Signed,

J.P. Morgan Banker

Second Date Territory

Thursday, April 5th, 2012

The first date is an interview. You put your best foot forward and hope that you’ve conveyed the best version of yourself. The second date is certainly more relaxed but it’s definitely time to take things to the next level. This brings me untold amounts of stress as my first date conversations come so easily whereas on a second date I’m expected to impress to the same level whilst assuming a more casual air. Oh god. Keep calm. Where are we going to go? What topics are still off limits?

Second Date TerritoryIn such situations I find the best thing to do is to do some research (this usually means consulting my successful “dater” friends and the truly awful ones too – and then doing exactly the opposite of what they advise)…

Wise Words

  • With second dates the focus should just be on each other. Resist temptation to invite your date to your local for drinks. Remove yourself from familiar surroundings and ensure they do the same. Getting to know each other without the pressure of the first date is key here. If you’re both somewhere that’s totally unrelated to you, you’ll find that nothing with colour your judgement. You’re also on an equal territory. We are all guilty of getting too comfortable/ too cocky in the local pub.
  • Keep the conversation light but meaningful. Talk about travels, where you went to school. If you a play a sport or are training for a marathon, divulge! Recent studies have shown that people respond well to active lifestyles. One subject you should avoid…the ex. Trust me, no date wants to listen to your bitter rants. It will NEVER look good despite it being tempting to conjure the sympathy vote (also terrible).

A Load of Rubbish

  • When someone requests a second date, play hard to get. Or if you’re going to request a second date wait ‘x’ amount of time. You don’t want to seem desperate!
    This is ridiculous. If you want to see someone again why bother trying to force a delay for the sake of appearing aloof. If you want to see them again, you know what to do!

  • Keep the act up. That’s what 3rd dates are for.
    I would say the second date is so crucial to the progression of a relationship. You’ve passed the first round and now it’s good to show more of your personality. Your date is looking for something more substantial to what they saw first time round. Why risk denying yourself another opportunity? That said, leave strange quirks and bizarre tendencies for later down the line.

Thinking of arranging a second date and need some ideas? Check out our member reviews and favourite places. They really do know best.