Once upon a time back in the days of Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table (ah twas a glorious age!), courtiers and fashionable members of society would grow up and marry the princes, princesses, gentlemen and damsels of their choosing (provided they had enough $$ and social prowess). There would be a wedding, a feast, celebrations and all would toast to the happy couple and their future. Their lives would be full of banquets, jousts, all the finery you could hope for. The bliss of matrimony; husband, wife and their lovers. One big happy family…
Polydating - Can you do it?
Yes gentle reader, married courtiers were very fond of passionate love affairs. The golden rule was that everyone knew about but no one talked about it. Think about it like a very incestuous group of friends who are constantly hooking up with each other. Now whilst adultery is often frowned upon, I don’t believe the same rules apply when you’re dating. Shock. Horror. “Poly-Dating” is perhaps one of the best things you can do during your dating career. It’s fun and let’s face it, in this day and age we are more than capable of a little multitasking, nay it’s expected of us so why would we not apply this skill to our love lives? Before I get into how this should be handled, this is not intended as a guide on how to cheat on your girlfriend/boyfriend.
1) Be wary of behaviour on social networks
This might seem obvious but you would be surprised how much this can mess up your nice little arrangement. Don’t friend people you are dating. If you have friended them (obviously to stalk them through their photos), don’t upload photos of you and your date running around Winter Wonderland/ drinking mulled wine at a German Christmas market/ insert appropriate romantic Winter activity here. More importantly, don’t check in when you’re out on a date. “Chris has just checked into X restaurant with X” – you’ll soon remember you told the other person you’re dating that you were in bed with a cold, working late or whatever crap excuse you gave. My advice – don’t disclose dating information on Facebook, Twitter or any other social network!
2) Casual is Key
You shouldn’t lie to your date about how you feel. It’s very old fashioned and no longer appropriate. Don’t tell them, “I’ve never met anyone like you before”, “I’ve never connected with anyone like this” etc etc. if you want to date other people. We are all grown-ups here.
3) Know the difference between a hidden truth and a lie
Remember when you were told that any form of dishonesty is a lie? Well, when it comes to dating more than one person at any one time, this is just not true (oh the irony). When your date asks you what you did the night before, don’t say that you went to an amazing restaurant with a beautiful date, got really drunk, took them home and have been nursing the aftermath well into the next day. Do say, you went to an amazing restaurant, had scallops and really enjoyed it. Tip: If they press you for more information, it’s likely they’re in a different place to you and want to know who/what you are doing.
4) The Talk
We all dread the “the talk”. You know the one where you’re under pressure to state your intentions and choose to become exclusive. If this is coming too early and your date is starting to question you straight away, trust me there is no point in pursuing this any further unless you’re interested in a committed relationship. The “talk” person is not right for your polydating scheme and it’s also unfair to string them along. You need to be really subtle here, don’t lie (see point 3). You should try to be clever and subtly avoid the conversation until it feels natural to bring it up. Trust your instincts and you’ll know whether it’s right to date this person at the same time as someone else.
5) Mobile Phone Behaviour
These are quite specific but effective. Establish phone patterns early on. What I mean by this is that you shouldn’t be in the practice of never checking your phone whilst out on date and then suddenly leaving the table to take a call (and this is happening frequently). You’re breaking with your normal pattern of behaviour and this becomes very obvious quite quickly to your date. Obvious that you’re seeing someone else, that is. Get into the habit of not texting/taking calls whilst out on a date.
Looking for date ideas? Why not have a look at our Places Page where our very own Clicktonight members review their favourite haunts.