Following yesterday’s chain of thought about seeking common ground, we’ve already acknowledged that establishing mutual interests is an important factor for dating success. One problem a lot of daters experience is trying to find things in common with their date that are far too generic and consequently dull.
What economists will call a bad equilibrium, we are choosing safe ground over risking being controversial. It is a common strategy that all will adopt and converge on but there is no positive outcome for either party involved. For example:
Jane [sharing a pizza with John]: I love ham & mushroom pizza. What are your favourite toppings?
John [converging as is convention]: I like it too, but my favourite is pepperoni.
The net result here? Yes, both daters have shared information and learned something new about each other but they have failed to connect with one another in a valuable way. Jane chose a safe converger and whilst John has probably been bored to death by this question, he also takes the safe route and provides an unchallenging/ uninteresting answer. Unless one of them decides to recover the situation John and Jane could go on all night like this, chatting about the weather, what uni they went to, [insert another boring question here].
It’s unsurprising then, that when it comes to online dating, the exact same thing can happen. Daters messaging each other similarly conventional pizza topping style questions is just as common as in date situations like John and Jane here. The problem seems to be that there are unlimited amounts of questions we can ask and as a result of this this, we tend to filter or revert to our fail safe conversations – the same ones we would probably have with a taxi driver on the way home.
How would the economists solve this? Well, it’s simple. You restrict yourself to only asking certain types of questions. Force yourself to talk about things that you are truly interested in, the more specific and niche you are the more chances you have of being more interesting to your date and in turn provoking interesting and engaging answers. Risk the controversial and tip the equilibrium the right way.
Mid week blues? Start making plans with members tonight!